This week I did one thing that felt presumably a bit batshit loopy and stayed, alone, in a treehouse within the woods. I do know. The one who will get spooked in her personal backyard.
It’s testomony to simply how desperately I wanted to take away myself from all noise and distraction (impending deadline that I nonetheless can’t speak about) that I ventured out into the wilds alone, risking potential Blair Witch Undertaking-style situations and with solely a small pair of nail scissors and a laptop computer charging cable (makeshift garrote) for defense. As somebody who barricades their resort door from the within, even when there’s a reception desk two flooring down and a twenty-four hour concierge, I can’t fairly imagine that I willingly took myself off to the wilderness.
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However look; I’ve made all of this sound a bit creepy. Clear your minds of the Blair Witch stuff, it was only a little bit of drama for the intro, for this treehouse, one of many Skylark Treehouses at KIP hideaways, was simply one of the crucial phenomenally stress-free, fantastically secluded locations that I’ve ever stayed. Wherever.
In the event you crave solitude, when you lengthy for the sound of birdsong and the rustling of the bushes, neglect the resort break: two nights right here, with the outside bathtub and the on-deck fireplace pit and the key walkway that weaves by the woods…two nights right here and it’s as if you’ve had some type of thoughts and soul reset. Three nights and also you neglect that there’s the rest on the market, on the earth. You already know once you simply have completely nothing to do? And there’s nothing you can do? So that you simply turn out to be kind of inert, as if you’re working on standby mode moderately than really switched on?
That’s how Skylark made me really feel. And keep in mind, please, that it made me really feel like this regardless of the actual fact I used to be knocking out 4 thousand phrases a day on my laptop computer, mainlining natural tea and solely often getting as much as have a shake and a stretch. In precise reality it was the proper place to plough by my wordcount for the deadline-I-can’t-mention-yet as a result of it was simply so utterly, fantastically silent.
And although half of the treehouse was completely open-air, together with a tremendous – very photogenic – outside kitchen and the aforementioned bathtub and deck, the bed room and bathe room had been totally enclosed in a hyper-insulated, hermetically-sealed pod. Big home windows in all places, huge comfortable mattress, however a correct secure little (totally lockable) hotel-style room with a kitchenette (tea, espresso, oven) and large walk-in bathe in addition to one of many best-placed bits of toilet glazing I’ve seen, excessive up on the wall in order that it framed the bushes exterior however retained complete privateness.
On the privateness factor: there are different treehouses (six homes altogether) however they’re fairly far aside. On arrival, my coronary heart did sink after I heard the faint, dulcet tones of another person’s youngsters (as a result of who needs to listen to different individuals’s youngsters once they’re attempting to calm down?) however after I leaned proper out to try to spot them and maybe scare them off with an evil glare the treehouse they had been in, my nearest neighbour, was actually fairly distant. In actual fact you may inform how distant each is as a result of the parking areas on the lane, two for every home, are effectively spaced-out.
Right here’s the way it goes: you arrive to Skylark Treehouses by way of the doorway lane after which the parking for every treehouse is signposted with just a little emblem. (They ship you all the information by e-mail earlier than you arrive.) Every little automobile park has an electrical charging level, which is massively useful when you’re an electrical car-haver and wish to recharge while you keep. (I’m a brand new electrical car-haver and nonetheless getting used to the truth that you may’t simply pull into any previous petrol station and replenish; having a charger at your vacation spot simply appears to be the final word, world-changing comfort at this level in my life. Extra thrilling, I feel, than even an outside bathtub.)
A non-public walkway takes you down, Swallows and Amazons fashion, to the doorway of your treehouse (which is lockable, and lit) and the door opens onto probably the most attractive little outside camp, excessive up within the bushes, completely personal and with a roof over the residing bits in order that it may be continually in use. Once I say camp, that is nothing like tenting; it’s tenting, I suppose, for these (howdy!) who love the scent of the outside and like being surrounded by nature however who don’t wish to get trench foot and should be inside ten metres of a totally flushing bathroom always. It appears like the agricultural treehouse/tenting idyll, although a model of it you’d discover in Vogue, however it acts like a luxurious resort. All the finest supplies, costly home equipment, a bin with buttons to open and shut (God how simply happy am I?) and that sensible, show-stopping outside tub. With solely the cows within the discipline to witness your soak.
There’s a woodburner contained in the sleeping suite, in addition to radiators, so I’m fairly certain this place could be toasty as something within the wintery months, however in summer season it’s doorways thrown broad open and outside fireplace pit on, only for the atmosphere, when you fancy it. I didn’t, as a result of I used to be there alone and I’m an everlasting catastrophiser and imagined myself by chance setting fireplace to my very own hair and never having anybody to assist put it out. Nonetheless, it was good sitting there and listening to the near-silence, as soon as the birds had gone to sleep. With my Brixham Harbour fish pie, one of many ready-to-oven freshly-made meals the individuals at Skylark can ship to your treehouse on your arrival. It was scrumptious. And massively welcome as I’d determined prematurely that I didn’t wish to need to prepare dinner, as a result of it could have been simply one other distraction, and so it saved me from consuming muesli for dinner three nights in a row.
So to recap: you need absolute peace and quiet. You need the posh really feel and a spotlight to element {that a} resort may give, however you need one thing extra secluded and personal. You’re keen on the thought of a camp-style break however need a good mattress, full plumbing and no sense of damp. You need the ever-Instagrammable “bathtub below the celebrities” however don’t wish to hear one other soul while you lie in it and – lastly – you wish to benefit from the outside however really feel secure and safe.
Bingo! I don’t suppose anybody would remorse a few nights right here for a complete reset. What I preferred most was their very stern guidelines contract that you simply needed to conform to and signal, promising to not make noise and to respect different visitors. Bloody sensible. You actually do really feel as if you’re the one visitors there – and it was totally booked on the nights that I stayed.
Costs? From £250 per night time. Possibly barely greater than you’d count on when you went “glamping”, however this positively isn’t glamping. It’s a full resort suite that’s utterly personal, with the advantage of a giant outside area that can be utilized all 12 months spherical. (There’s heating above the eating desk and the entire area is considerately lit.) It’s nowhere close to as costly as a luxurious resort suite however that’s what I’d examine it to; though the supplies contained in the sealed sleeping space had been left fairly rustic and pure, simply one of many many eco-measures right here, the fixtures and fittings had been of the best high quality and no expense had been spared.
Had I not stayed alone, I genuinely suppose that it could have been troublesome to ever depart. In precise reality, I booked one other night time on the top of my two night time assessment keep, so I feel that claims all of it. The mad factor was, I didn’t even enterprise out of the treehouse. I couldn’t let you know what was half a mile in any path, even an eighth of a mile. I simply wrote and wrote and wrote. In my escape pod. Which is precisely what it was.
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